Sunday, September 30, 2012

Loans $$ for Surgery!

Let's just start this blog by saying that I am 100% blessed that I have health insurance and that I am able to have health insurance and that my surgery is covered by my insurance.I don't have to pay out of pocket for the whole thing. But I do need to come up with roughly little over $2700.00 to cover what the insurance wants me to cover. Which is better than $27,000.00. So I started the process of loan applications and filled one out tonight from a place I was told about during a visit with Diane my advocate. I hope its approved. I pray!

I started filling out my STD (Short Term Disability) paper work for leave from work after surgery and I just got so upset because A. I didn't understand it or what they were asking me. B. I was probably rushing to fill it out. C. I need to have it in by Oct 13! and I didn't realize that. Ahh Here I thought I had a ton of time. And its flying by as we speak.

I know everything will fall into place when it is meant to be but right now it just feels like everything is jumbled! and I don't like that. I am a planner.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

45 Days...

 Yep you guessed it. I'm 45 days away from Surgery Day!!  Yahoo! I thought it was going to go by pretty slow, but actually it has been going by pretty fast. I finally found out how much $$ I need to fork over on  the day of Pre-op testing which is Oct. 22 for Surgery . I'll need to pay little over $2,700 I know its a lot of money, but for the life it will be giving me  I'd pay double if I had to. I know people don't understand why go through with this surgery, but I feel like it is my last resort at a new beginning to finally keep this weight off for good. I will still need to change the way I eat which I have done a lot of already and I will still need to exercise too. This surgery is not a quick fix. It is not something someone should do if they do not plan on sticking to it. It is a life style change. And its a life style change that I have chosen to make to better myself and I don't care who knows about me having the surgery. I will tell the world. It is not a secret, I write my blog in the hopes that I will be able to help someone else one day.

The other day I went into Walmart to look for some long-sleeved T's for the winter. Now I normally wear a 3x- 4x, so I thought I would get a couple 2x's for after surgery when I start to loss more weight and my long-sleeved T's I have now don't fit me anymore.  When I tried them on today they fit! I was shocked. I've been losing weight since February very slowly but losing and I haven't bought any clothes since then because I didn't want to spend the money. I was surprised to find out that those shirts I bought fit me. 

More awesome news I have some wonderful/ amazing friends who have already been kicking ASS and working hard losing weight and are down a few sizes and donating their bigger clothes to their goodwill "ME" they have no idea how much this will help me out after surgery when the pounds come off. I was pretty worried about having to frequently buy clothes because of losing weight until I reach goal, but having friends who have already lost a significant amount of weight and willing to donate to me I feel so blessed!

Friday, September 21, 2012

Chapter 3: How to Cope with Anger

I just finished reading Chapter 3:  How to Cope with Anger, in The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion. And in exercise #1 you are clarifying your feelings of anger and expressing them. I know what I am angry about and how I am going to deal with it. Even though someone in my past hasn't been a part of my present for many years the things I was put through by this person still linger.

 I fell in love with someone who I gave my everything to, and even from the beginning I know now that I should have never been with him. After we first met and hung out he called me that night and his first comment to me was, "Do you plan on losing weight?' Yes I was young and dumb and I wanted to be loved. Of course I plan on losing weight I thought to myself. I just thought that my weight was never going to be an issue with someone who said they loved me, he never really loved me for me, if he did he would have seen through the weight.

I never seemed to do anything right when I was with him, I never had the support when I was with him like the amazing support I have now. He wanted me to join Weight Watchers and LA Weight Loss and have his mom talk to me about the importance of losing weight before I have kids. But he was never there to help. Only to put me down. And when these attempts would fail me Id try to have a serious conversation with him about having WLS and he would say "You Don't Need Surgery To Lose Weight" instead of support me. So that thought was put of for many years. Until NOW :) Exercising when I was with him was another thing that bothered me and still to this day I don't enjoy it because of him. He would fight with me and yell at me about it, and say I was doing it wrong and or I wasn't doing it long enough instead of being my support it was always negative.

So in order for me to finally put an end to these horrible memories I still have in my head and to the voice I can still hear play over and over again in my head I have decided to write a letter to this person. I am not going to send this letter, but I am going to instead have a type of ceremony before my surgery and burn the letter and whatever other memories I may have of the time I had with this person. Burn the memories and let the ashes fly away!

I am in such a happy place right now that I can't let these memories continue to take up space in my mind and continue to make me second guess my decision anymore. I AM doing whats best for me!

I have discussed this with Isaac the love of my life and he thinks that it is a wonderful idea and he encourages me to do it. He has been with me and supporting me every step of the way I could never possibly repay him for all that he has done and probably doesn't even know he is doing. But with out him I would be alone in this journey. I am with out a doubt the happiest I have ever been with him by my side as my cheerleader!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012


So, I've been thinking a lot the past few days, of what life is going to be like in 2 months. In 2 months I will have had my VSG surgery and be either at the hospital still or on my way home. Hope  that I am on my way home and that my hospital stay isn't to long. I am looking forward to going to sleep and waking up a new person. A brand new chance at life. A new Birthday to celebrate so to speak. 

I have been wondering what it is going to be like to go shopping for the first time. How will my recovery at home go. Everyone is so different is it hard to expect you to feel and be the same as someone else. It helps for me to hear what others are/have experienced, but I still have tons of ?'s. How will it be for me?

My support system is going to play a big part in how these questions get answered. I know they may not feel like they are doing much, but in my eyes they are doing wonderful. Hearing people close to me or  even a complete stranger who has or is going through it too,  say that they're proud of me for making this decision and taking charge of how my life plays out means the world to me. It means the world to me because I still struggle with me having it, because of the people who say, "You don't need it!", "Why have it?", "Do it on your own!" and the one that still gets me from years of mental/emotional abuse: " You DON'T need a surgery to help you lose weight!" Another statement that hurts me and upsets me is having someone say, "I am worried about you having surgery." Yes, I understand that it's a scary thing. Don't you think I am worried and worry too? But I am doing this for ME. To help ME not anyone else.
  • I am doing this, so that I don't have to take medications to live life.
  • I am doing this, so that I can run. Run and feel free!
  • I am doing this, so that I can be healthy and at a healthy weight to have the family I have dreamed of having since I was a little girl.
  • I am doing this, so that I can be more active as a parent that I was as teenager.
  • I am doing this, so that I can be around past my 30's-40's and 50's.
  • I am doing this, so that I can fit in to a wedding dress one day.
  • I am doing this, so that I don't have to shop in the Plus Sized (sometimes only two rack) section of a store anymore.
  • I am doing this, so that I can get on an airplane and not have to ask for an extension seat belt.
Do not just tell me you are worried, explain to me why you are worried and what questions you may have, Ask! I can answer them as best as I can or find the answers out. But be proud of me for taking this step in MY life.

I know there are always going to be people in your life/ in our world who are this way, but I guess all I can do is prove them WRONG! And not let it bother me or get me down.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

November 14th 2012

So after yesterday and sleeping til 6 pm I was pretty bummed because I missed my call from "Sabrina" the scheduler at my dr. office. Today I made sure I got up on time and got ahold of her. My surgery has been schedule for November 14th .And Pre-admission testing is Oct 22 its an all day affair starting at 730am-3pm. Testing will consist of getting and EKG done and blood work for labs. Then back up to meet with my doctor to be cleared for surgery, the p.a. and my dietitian again to go over nutrition. I have asked Isaac to come with for an extra set of ears and moral support. I am going to be getting so much information thrown at me this day that I will need him there.

I am beyond excited right now! I cant believe that in 2 months I will be really starting this Journey I have been working so hard to get to. It all seems so surreal right now.

I have to make sure to keep the weight off that I lost during my 6 months of supervised diet and exercise with my dietitian or I will have to do a yucky 2 wks of protein drinks. I will contact my HR next week about Short Term Disability, to make sure I can have the time off work. Next Wednesday the 19th marks my 1 year anniversary at IBA! It will just be easier for them in HR if I to wait until I have my one year in to ask about S.T.D. I am going to be the taking 6 wks off of work, and could go back after 3 if feeling better.

One of my best friends has been on this weight loss journey for a year now and she is doing an amazing job at it. I am so proud of her. We have decided to get together once a month for a girls night and cook a healthy recipe we wanna try. And I cant wait to get this started it will be so much fun. We are looking at starting this in October.  I am hoping it will give us both some more recipes to add to our boxes since both of our lifestyles have been changing for the better. And give us more time to spend together and chat about our emotional ups and downs of weight loss.

Saturday, September 8, 2012


So, as of Wed, Sept. 5th my surgery has been approved! My advocate Diane called me and gave me the good news!! She said that she called my insurance company to find out if they had made any decisions and they had! It has been approved and there has been approval letters mailed out they said! The next day I got my letter in the mail! I am so relieved that it has been approved. It's like that worry is now gone! But there are still a million more in its place. But they are all good worries. I should hear from the doctors office on Mon, Sep 10th for my surgery date!

 Since I've gotten some of the good news I thought now would be a good time to start reading The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion: A Practical Guide for Coping with Post-Surgery Emotions.I am enjoying it so far. I've started to do the exercises that are in it in a separate paper journal. I'd recommened this book to anyone who is going through a Weight Loss Journey. Not just someone having WLS, but with the emotional struggles that we have with Weight Loss on a day to day basis this book really seems to help you cope with and teach you how to handle what we are going through. Again I recommend to all my friends who are losing weight and struggling, whether you are having a surgery like me or not.

Along with reading my Coping Companion, I have also started my bucket list! Once I get some more time I will post a few of my bucket list times. This Bucket list is for My Journey to Happily Ever After. It has all kinds of things on it that I want to do, once I have reach a point where my weight isn't stopping me. It gets bigger and bigger everyday! I am having fun with my bucket list, I can be driving in the car, and something will pop in to my head and I will go on I have to remember to write that down on my bucket list. I think everyone should have a bucket list. Who said that a bucket list should only be written in the event that we aren't going to be around much longer? I am writing my to celebrate that I will be around much much longer!