Chapter 3: How to Cope with Anger

I just finished reading Chapter 3:  How to Cope with Anger, in The Weight Loss Surgery Coping Companion. And in exercise #1 you are clarifying your feelings of anger and expressing them. I know what I am angry about and how I am going to deal with it. Even though someone in my past hasn't been a part of my present for many years the things I was put through by this person still linger.

 I fell in love with someone who I gave my everything to, and even from the beginning I know now that I should have never been with him. After we first met and hung out he called me that night and his first comment to me was, "Do you plan on losing weight?' Yes I was young and dumb and I wanted to be loved. Of course I plan on losing weight I thought to myself. I just thought that my weight was never going to be an issue with someone who said they loved me, he never really loved me for me, if he did he would have seen through the weight.

I never seemed to do anything right when I was with him, I never had the support when I was with him like the amazing support I have now. He wanted me to join Weight Watchers and LA Weight Loss and have his mom talk to me about the importance of losing weight before I have kids. But he was never there to help. Only to put me down. And when these attempts would fail me Id try to have a serious conversation with him about having WLS and he would say "You Don't Need Surgery To Lose Weight" instead of support me. So that thought was put of for many years. Until NOW :) Exercising when I was with him was another thing that bothered me and still to this day I don't enjoy it because of him. He would fight with me and yell at me about it, and say I was doing it wrong and or I wasn't doing it long enough instead of being my support it was always negative.

So in order for me to finally put an end to these horrible memories I still have in my head and to the voice I can still hear play over and over again in my head I have decided to write a letter to this person. I am not going to send this letter, but I am going to instead have a type of ceremony before my surgery and burn the letter and whatever other memories I may have of the time I had with this person. Burn the memories and let the ashes fly away!

I am in such a happy place right now that I can't let these memories continue to take up space in my mind and continue to make me second guess my decision anymore. I AM doing whats best for me!

I have discussed this with Isaac the love of my life and he thinks that it is a wonderful idea and he encourages me to do it. He has been with me and supporting me every step of the way I could never possibly repay him for all that he has done and probably doesn't even know he is doing. But with out him I would be alone in this journey. I am with out a doubt the happiest I have ever been with him by my side as my cheerleader!